conniesue
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Relationships - 2007/10/27 07:22
Hi Everyone-First, let me say I have been reading all of your Bio's, and I'm so happy to see so many of you still in the same relationship after so many years. I never had one that lasted over eight years, so please tell us what you feel has kept you together!
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bwilliams77
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Re:Relationships - 2007/10/27 12:30
Connie:
Good question. I'm not sure there's any one right answer, but I'll tell you what comes to mind for me.
First is probably a lot of "luck". One thing that's for certain in any long term relationship is that over the years, both people will grow and change. During that process it could be easy for each person to grow in such a way that it takes them down a completely different path. For two people to grow and change over time yet still be basically headed down the same road definitely involves a certain amount of luck in my opinion.
Second would definitely be the obvious....love and commitment. Love obviously has to be present in both partners as does commitment. I think all relationships go through good times and bad times. Sometimes the bad times can be awfully rough for one or both individuals with varying levels of commitment throughout. The strength of the commitment must always be present in every rough situation by at least one of the people in order to sustain the relationship. That level of commitment can waiver for each person throughout the years, but through rough times, at least one person (and that can vary back and forth) must have a strong level of commitment in order for the relationship to endure.
Tolerance and understanding are important too. Each person must be tolerant of the other's annoying habits and differences that come up along the way. A good deal of understanding is needed as well.
Given the scenarios above, I think some people just have bad luck in relationships. Some people can be inherently drawn to bad relationships and others just come across them by sheer bad luck.
I am not the kind of person that believes you should stay in a relationship no matter what. There are plenty of relationships that are bad enough that it would warrant dissolving rather than staying in a dangerous or completely unhealthy situation.
Thankfully, there are many people who are in happy, content relationships. But for every one of those, there's probably an equal or greater number of people who find themselves in an unhappy relationship, but not unhappy enough to do something about it. I bet there are plenty of people we all know that appear to be happy, but who are not. It's funny how appearances can sometimes be deceiving.
The grass is not always greener on the other side, as they say. Being single works for a lot of people. However, finding the right person that you can spend the rest of your life with, is definitely something that can be achieved. Although no relationship is "perfect", it's never too late to find that relationship that will the the one that lasts for the rest of your life. Good luck to you!
Beverly Trainer Williams
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ktobin76
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Re:Relationships - 2007/10/27 12:30
It helps if you are a glutton for punishment. 
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bwilliams77
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Re:Relationships - 2007/10/27 12:49
LOL Kevin...you're a nut! But I still love ya!!
Beverly Trainer Williams
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David_Pass
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Re:Relationships - 2007/10/27 13:43
I can give advice on long term relationships, but not the "together" part. Usually I'm attracted to someone way out of my league... like a rock star's girlfriend or a soon to be model. We go out and enjoy each other's company for awhile.... maybe years. Then someone a lot better looking with a lot more money comes along and then my relationship is non-existant. It's long term after that and I'm usually not interested in anyone after that. Maybe that's not this thread was all about.
dp
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Byron
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Re:Relationships - 2007/10/27 15:29
I just knew this was going to shape up to be the most bizarre forum, yet. Everyones opinion will be so different. And of course, the expected comic relief that we all know is inevitable. 
Connie, all I know to say to you is that if your eight years were good time years then in my humble opinion that was a very good long term relationship. I don't think it has to be 1-5-10-20-30-40 or 50 years to be a good long term relationship. I believe it is the quality not quantity of time, that we are together, that makes it good. After all, none of us even knows when our time will come to cross over the Rainbow Bridge. We just have to take it a day at a time and make the most of what time we have here. 
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SusieMartin80
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Re:Relationships - 2007/10/27 15:49
I think in our case it is because my husband is so patient and kind-hearted. For me, therapy and meds make all the difference in the world! And LOTS of laughter helps!
Or it could be that we have realized that nobody else would have either of us! Hahahahaha!
~~ Dragon #9 Susie
It's never too late to have a happy childhood, but the second one is up to you and no one else.
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David_Pass
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Re:Relationships - 2007/10/27 18:19
Oh yeah.
The quality of that time means everything. Everyone should remember Linda Hamilton's words as she lamented the loss of her beloved in the movie "Terminator". She said essentially that she'd loved "a lifetime's worth". Maybe that was a lifetimes worth since she was locked up in an insane asylum after that.
Love being timeless was the whole theme of the movie "Titanic". Did you see Dicaprio's face right before he died. It was disgusting, yet that woman loved him for the rest of her life. It was worth like 400 million at the box office. Love and hope definitely have value.
But for me, I won't be crossing a rainbow bridge. I'll be looking for one that's just black or white. Even when the power goes off at work I'll walk towards the security lights and chant... "walk into the light. walk into the light." Of course when I get up under the lights I blurt out.... "this isn't heaven... my coworkers are here."
Oh well, I'm done rambling. Now everyone will know why I'm still single. 
David Pass
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donnad
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Re:Relationships - 2007/10/28 17:56
Connie I think Beverly said it best. It does take a lot of patience and commitment. We really are each others best friends, with us being together for so long (we married in 76) we have had our fair share of ups and downs over the years but no matter what, we are there to pull the other one back up on those down times. Not saying it has been a bed of roses by no means, the only reason we haven't killed each other is because neither one of us likes the idea of prison .All kidding aside I think I was very lucky to find my soulmate. Years ago I went to this physic and she blew me away with some very personal things that she knew about me and she told me that I have been with this man in previous lives and that he is my protector and will always be, it was funny because she said that I could not get away from him if I wanted to, which I don't. I guess I was just blessed.
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rudolphous
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Re:Relationships - 2007/10/28 22:50
Hi Connie! When people ask me how my husband, Wayne and I have stayed together for over 17 years, I tell them it's because we were meant to be together. Don't think we haven't had our share of troubles, we have, but if your love is strong enough you can overcome anything.
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tofar
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Re:Relationships - 2007/10/29 08:13
I agree with Donna on this one, it took me 2 times to find the one that was for me, but we are best friends and no matter what we stick together, we may not agree all the time but we know the other is there if someone is needed, we except each other no matter what and we certainly dont drag the past up or try to change it! we continue and try to make the best of it, we have been together 20 yrs, my first marriage lasted 7 years and I see now that it wasnt meant to be! but patience and trust go along way and accepting the other for what they are is the key if you ask me,(but what do I know)
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Blondean
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Re:Relationships - 2007/10/29 09:01
I have to admit that I have been married more times than some people have had dates. Thearpy has taught me that it was all thier fault. But, on a serious note. I have found out that it is a lot of work to stay in a relationship and it really takes 2. No one can keep it together by themselves. I got married the first time at 16, just because he asked me, then after 5 years, again at 21, and again at 28, and the last time at 39. I basiclly married the same man each time, only he had a different face. I found them to all be only concerned with themselves. It was all about them. Some were abusive, others cheated, and some had substance abuse problems. I was not without faults and had my own issues. Well, I thought that the grass was greener on the other side, other wise I would not have kept trying to find someone that I thought was worthy. However, you still have to mow the new grass that you move onto. I have heard that you choose someone that you see as an extension of yourself. So obviously, I had low self esteem and did not think very much of myself. I like it the way it is now, with no one to answer to but me. My husbands, some of them had very good qualities that drew me to them, but when the bad begins to out weigh the good, and you live in a state of gloom, then it is time to let go. I would rather be all by myself. I think that my childhood had a lot to do with my failed relationships. I do admire those of you who have been together for a very long time and have made it work. You have to have something special that a lot of us never had or ever will. I envy you! I also have to ask, were your parents always together?
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donnad
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Re:Relationships - 2007/10/29 14:23
To answer your question,Yes my parents are still together, I think they are getting close to 60 years now.
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GailHullingsCobleigh
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Re:Relationships - 2007/10/29 18:17
In a nutshell, my husband is my best friend. We made a commitment when we married to make it last. Some years that took more work than others. Mostly it's just been fun being together. We've been married 32-1/2 years now. We laugh and say "29 wonderful years"! They sure weren't all storybook stuff. We separated for six months in the mid 80s, and dated each other. It was the only time I have ever lived alone, which was something I felt I needed to do at the time.
Hank's Mom & Dad were married 61 years and died within 6 months of one another. My Mom & Dad were married 53 years when my Dad died at the age of nearly 85. I think we both had great examples of what marriage could be -- although we've loosened up a little on the traditional roles of our parents.
We grew up together, and now we're getting old together. A sense of humour is indispensable. Love is grand!
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